There is one simple question I’d like for you to contemplate – who do you live for?
Quite a broad question, I know. Let me add a bit more context by adding these questions: who or what does your life center around? Are you a parent that pours everything into your family? Are you a dutiful son/daughter who always puts your parent(s) first? Do you often put the needs of your friends before your own? Do you play small at work so you don’t “rock the boat” with your coworkers and boss?
Now ask yourself, “Why do I do this?” In our previous blog, we talked about living from your values and how that leads you to authentic living.
Your “why?” — your intention behind what you do — makes all the difference between living from your values and living in obligation to something/someone outside of yourself.
Which brings us to my next relationship insight ——
Relationship Secret #7 – When you determine your purpose and values, you set yourself free from others.
It sounds simple enough, right? But you really have to do the work to make that happen. When you do determine your purpose, figure out what you really value and live from that mindset in everything you do, you’ll have the freedom to no longer care what others think. That is very key.
Don Miguel Ruiz outlined simple principles to live by in The Four Agreements (which I’ve paraphrased below) that can help you achieve this freedom:
- Be impeccable with your word – This is difficult to do until you figure out your values and purpose. Once you do, you can align your words and actions with your purpose.
- Never make assumptions – You never know what the other person is going to think. So just live from your values and be true to who you are. The other people shouldn’t determine that for you.
- Always do your best – Self-loving is about being the best person that you can be.
- Never take anything personally – The only time you take things personally is when you’re not authentic, not true to your values and/or your purpose.
If you try to change to meet someone else’s idea of who/what you should be, one of the main questions is: what are you going to change into?
When you feel you have to change, you’re not being true to who you are. You lose yourself. This is when things like depression, anxiety and addiction could come into play, because we don’t know where else to turn.
When you live authentically, when you live from your values and live with a purpose, your whole world opens up.
Don’t get me wrong, there will most likely be others – even family and friends – who will judge you, criticize you or expect you to act and live a certain way that’s comfortable for them. But they aren’t the ones living your life. You are. You have the power to determine how you live and who you live for.
Focusing on your values, your purpose, sets you free from subordinating yourself to others wills and ideals. That is living authentically. And that is self-love.
Learn more about self-love, the power within you and creating the life you deserve every Sunday at 10:30 at Agape. Click here for more details.